


Hopeless State of Mind

by Cahliste



Category: Death Note & Related Fandoms
Genre: Angst, Angst and Porn, BDSM, Boys In Love, By which i mean i ignore canon completely but its not like an AU, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Painplay, Porn, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Post-Canon ish, Smut, d/s dynamics, each chapter is based on a song from the halsey album hopeless fountain kingdom, im not sure, more like...canon-irrelevant, relationship, so is this a songfic, starts pretty fluffy but theres some definitely unhealthy dynamics coming up soon, well a broader plot but mostly sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-18
Updated: 2019-05-24
Packaged: 2019-11-23 10:02:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18150410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cahliste/pseuds/Cahliste
Summary: If nothing saves us from death, may love at least save us from life.L and Light will kill each other, one day.





	1. The Prologue

They're too alike, sometimes. They're both too hard and cold and though Light's hands are drenched in blood and L's are too clean, they know that they're crossing the stars to be with each other, and that will be their death.  


They build a mausoleum for themselves with the aching bones they rip from each other, and their unclean hands tie a noose around each other's neck, trembling and uncertain.  


When they lie with each other, hungry for the choking, cloying blood which runs between them, their eyes will lock onto the other's, chestnut upon December sky, and words will pass through them unsaid.  


_I love you._  


_I know._  


_You're killing me._  


_I know._  


It doesn't matter which one of them says it. The words are always the same.  


_I want to give you the world._  


_Give me you. It'll be enough._  


_I can't._  


Of course, this is before L leaves, before a raging fire begins to glow beneath Light's breastbone and nothing except the anger feels real. Somewhere, across the world, a storm brews within L, the ancient grudge to Light's new mutiny. They live like this, inferno and tempest, insatiable in their lust for each other.  


_Kill me._  


_No._  


_Please?_  


_Kill me first._


	2. Heaven in Hiding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How it begins: whispered worship on aching skin.

_Light is such a fucking flirt, and he knows it, honestly,_ L thinks, and he's not even fucking mad about it because Light is sitting on his kitchen counter, looking like some sort of honey daydream and opening his legs just enough that L can see the faintest bulge, right beneath the lowest-rise jeans that L has ever seen _anyone_ pull off.  


Light can see L start to breathe heavier, and Light's heart is pounding in his chest. They've been dancing around this for what feels like eons, the odd brush of a hand to a thigh, eye contact that feels just a whisper too long, and now they're here. They're alone, in L's ridiculously modern kitchen, and it's all that L can do to keep from throwing Light to the floor and pressing his body so close to him that they become one.  


"Come here," Light says, perched on the granite countertop. L stiffens, but manages to take the smallest step forward, never breaking eye contact.  


Light laughs. "Closer."  


L takes another step - not a large one, by any means, but enough to get him within arms length of Light. Light reaches out and takes L by the collar, pulling him closer. "You're so fucking obstinate."  


"You wouldn't have it any other way, would you?" L's voice is so low that it's practically a murmur, and he's starting to run his hands up Light's thighs, pushing just hard enough to ache. His body is screaming, and he's scared, he thinks, but not really, because he trusts him, and he's not quite sure when that happened but here he is.  


Light takes L's head in his hands and starts to wind his fingers through his soft, shaggy black hair. Slowly, he moves his head forward, and delicately kisses L's earlobe. He moves his lips down L's neck, breathing hot air and running his warm tongue over the delicate bones.  


L shudders, and digs his fingertips into Light's hips. "I can hear your heartbeat," he says.  


Light smiles. "Good." with that, he pulls L suddenly closer, so that L is pressed between his legs. Light's cock is starting to press uncomfortably against his jeans, and he can feel a faint stir between L's legs. Light takes L's cheek again and kisses him, starting with soft, slow explorations, and letting his warm, soft tongue meet L's until they're kissing passionately, biting and sucking and grinding against each other. Their bodies feel electric, an aching blush settling over their skin.  


"We should move," L whispers, so faintly that Light can barely hear him. Light has just enough time to nod, then L is holding him and carrying him out of the kitchen and into a small, sparsely furnished bedroom. L sets him down on the edge of the bed, and whispers that he'll be right back. He disappears into an adjoining bathroom, and Light's skin starts to burn with missing him - but then L is there, touching his hair and chest and grabbing Light's thighs and toppling him onto the bed, grabbing him like he just can't get enough of him, and Light wants to cut L open and bury himself inside of him. L whines with desire when Light brushes his hands against the head of L's cock, already pressing against his underwear.  


"You're so hot when you moan for me," Light whispers. "You make me want to break you."  


"Like you could," L pants. "But you could try."  


Light grins and throws him down, pinning L's arms above his head. "You're so arrogant. You thought you'd be the boss tonight, didn't you?" L glares at him, but he can't respond before Light has one hand at L's crotch, pulling out his cock. L is becoming desperately turned on now, and he wants nothing more than for Light to stop fucking power-tripping and suck his cock.  


He tells him as much and Light laughs, brushing his lips along L's smooth chest. As he gets further down the man's body, he begins to softly nip at the exposed skin. "You taste good," he remarks. "You taste like I thought you would."  


L chuckles. "How did you think I would taste?"  


"Like sugar," Light murmurs, and then, before L can respond, his mouth is around L's cock, and he's moving his tongue up and down and sucking its pink, round head.  


"Fuck." L's breath catches, and all thought is pushed out of his mind as Light moves his hands up L's thighs. His skin feels like it's on fucking fire, and he runs his hands down his body to grip Light's hair, letting Light run his swollen lips over his shaft.  


Light pauses, keeping his mouth next to L's cock. "Lube?" His voice is dark and thick with lust, and his saliva spills over his lips onto L's cock. Breathlessly, L passes him the small bottle which he took out of the bathroom earlier, listening with anticipation as the bottle is opened and a dollop of liquid is squeezed out. Light takes two of his fingers, slick with lube, and starts to gently rub L's entrance. L makes a soft, low, keening sound, pushing his pelvis into Light's fingers needily. Light chuckles, closing his lips around L's cock again and hollowing his cheeks.  


L takes Light's hand and starts to move it for himself, selecting one long finger and starting to push it into him. He's relaxed, and his body is begging for the feeling of _fullness_. "Please," he moans. _Please fuck me._  


"Wait," Light breathes. He slides in another one, then another, pausing to spread more lube onto his fingers. A pillow has found its place beneath L's hips, and Light is practically lifting him up, with his fingers stretching L open and his other hand digging into L's back. L is moaning and cursing, a litany of _fuck_ falling from his open mouth with abandon as he hungrily strokes himself. Light's head is between his thighs, and L is using his spare hand to dictate Light's movements. _Put on a fucking show for me,_ L, Light thinks. _Surrender._  


He gently removes his fingers, relishing L's whine, and props L's hips on another pillow. He's achingly hard, and can't stop himself from trembling when he leans his body as close as possible to L's lithe form and gently sinks his cock into L. "Oh my god," he grunts. _Oh, fuck,_ and suddenly he's right there with L, both of them cursing and panting as Light thrusts into L and L rubs himself. His entire body is crackling and shuddering, and L's steady eye contact is intoxicating. _I never knew it would be like this with him,_ Light thinks, as L's moans become a dizzying cacophony.  


_It's like heaven has been hiding._ Those are the last coherent words he can think before L makes a strangled choking noise and comes, white liquid streaming over their chests, and the warmth and the sheer beauty of L coming sends Light into a crimson ache, rippling ecstasy running through him. Finally, they're both just holding each other, mumbling and breathless and shaking.  


"Closer," L murmurs, and pulls himself towards Light, before falling soundly asleep, still sticky with his own come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> reviews would be wonderful! this is the first sex scene of many, and it's my first time writing explicit sex, rather than wink-wink allusions, so i'd love some feedback. thank you so much for reading!


	3. Devil in Me

_Is this a mistake?_ Light isn't sure, and he doesn't know if L is, either. It's been nearly a week since they since they collapsed into each other's arms, suns burning fiercely in their chests. But neither of them has mentioned it, and when Light glances at L, he sees the faintest blush before L looks away. It's been nearly a week since L pulled him closer and slept in his arms, sweaty and electric.

They haven't spoken properly since - they'd both overslept the next morning, and had to hurry out of L's apartment to make their way to their respective duties. The next time Light had seen him, in one of his neighbourhood cafes, L had barely acknowledged him - but Light could see the faintest flush rising up L's neck, and he'd felt his cock twitch at the thought of L sprawled beneath him, eyes dark and desperate with lust. He's visited this cafe every day since, and L has been there too - each time, they move a little bit closer together, hopping from one table to the next. 

Light stands, pushing his laptop aside. L is sitting at the same long, wooden table, a few seats down, but the cafe is otherwise empty. He begins to walk to the bathroom, carefully avoiding eye contact, when he feels a hand gently brush his thigh. He glances at L, trying to be discreet, but L hasn't moved, and seems to be focused entirely upon his laptop and small mound of papers. 

The next day, the same thing happens. but the hand is surer now, and brushes the length of his upper thigh. When light looks down, L is still staring at his screen, but there's the softest shadow of a knowing smile upon his lips. 

A pattern is established. When Light watches L, nothing happens. But each day that light looks away, L's hand gets surer and more inquisitive, caressing more and more of Light's body every time he passes. L is apparently a _fucking_ tease, and it's infuriating, and as the days become weeks, it's all Light can do to refrain from pulling L to his feet and fucking him there and then, amidst the scones and empty take-away cups. 

There's a devil within Light, it seems, and it refuses to think about anything other than grabbing L and claiming him as its own, dragging them both down to hell and fucking him until he screams and claws at Light's flesh and begs to be his. But Light has been raised to be a _gentleman,_ so he lets L's hands gently brush against his cock on his way back and forth from the washroom and he can play back, that's not against the rules, so he drops pencils and earphones, and crouches down and gently trails his fingers all the way along L's inseam when he stands up again. 

And then one day, after weeks of this, the script changes. 

L stands - finally - and walks toward the bathroom. He doesn't look back at Light, just lopes towards the narrow hallway in the back of the cafe. Light waits until he's sure he won't look back, then stands, gathers their things into his bag, and quickly follows him, his heart thudding quickly in his chest. 

The door isn't locked, but L looks surprised to see him there. He opens his mouth - maybe to greet him? - but Light covers it roughly with his hand, shoving L up against the smooth, tiled wall. L's eyes are wide and shining, and beneath his hand, Light can feel him smile, open-mouthed and sloppy. He'd pull back, he'd let L go, but something has awoken within him, hot and red and brutal, and he pushes his thigh between L's legs and feels his cock growing firm and heavy against it. 

He keeps one hand pressed against L's mouth while the other runs down L's side, popping open the button of L's jeans and pushing his hand haphazardly into them. He rubs his palm into L's cock through his underwear, smiling at L's whine beneath his hand. He can feel the damp heat of L's urgent breath, and it makes his cock throb. "Have you been waiting for this?" He hisses, his voice low and thick with desire. L's eyes are wide and dark, locked onto Light's. "Have you been waiting for me to do this to you?" 

L moans quietly, and Light takes it to mean yes. 

"I knew it," he says, and he presses his palm harder against L's cock. "You're such a tease, you know that? You've been waiting for me to throw you against the wall and -" and he gives L an emphatic shove harder into the wall - " _take_ you." Light can feel L's legs begin to shake, and his wide, stormy eyes have a triumphant glimmer. 

Light's hand is wet with spit, but he keeps it pressed to L's mouth. The other hand leaves L's cock, freeing the space, so that he can begin to grind his own cock slowly against L. Each soft rub of their cocks through fabric sends a jolt through Light's hips, nearly painful with its urgency. L moans into Light's hand and bucks against him, his face flushed and his eyes heavily lidded. 

"Do you want me to take you here?" Light asks, and it's barely a question. His fingers are digging into L's flesh, hard enough to turn the surrounding skin white. L murmurs a soft assent wordlessly into Light's palm, and Light grins and presses his lips into L's neck. "Turn around, then," he says, teeth grazing L's shoulder, and L shakes his head. Instead, L drops to his knees, roughly undoing Light's pants and letting his cock spring free. He runs a soft, warm, wet tongue along his cock, then lets his mouth open wide and Light shoves his cock deep into his throat, hands clenched tight around black, soft, scruffy hair. Light moans at the feeling of L's tongue gently lapping at the base of his cock, and places one hand against the tiled wall to keep his balance as he cants his hips into L's mouth. 

L takes one hand and starts to rub himself, keeping his jaw slack as he lets Light fuck his mouth. His other hand snakes up Light's thigh, and he rakes his nails along Light's leg, relishing every soft hitch of Light's breath. He's been _waiting_ for this, waiting for every subtle provocation of his to set Light on fire and lead him here. Light stops thrusting into L's mouth and pulls L to his feet, shoving him back against the wall and pushing his cock between L's thighs. His spit coats Light's cock and makes each thrust smoother. Light's mouth find L's swollen, spit-soaked lips, and between open-mouthed kisses, Light groans and whispers into him. 

"Did you want me to wait this long? Did you want me to do this the first day I saw you?" His thrusts are quick and deep, keeping time with his heartbeat. L's cock, pressed between their stomachs, is achingly hard, and each thrust makes his blood thrum. "Did you want me to do this over a table in the cafe?" He takes L's head in his hands and kisses him furiously. "Do you like knowing what you do to me? Do you like knowing how every time I got home, I thought about me doing exactly this to you, how I wanted to make you scream?" His breath is rough and ragged, his voice deep, each word sending a blinding spear of electricity through L. 

L's cock is weeping, precome smearing against their stomachs, and he entwines his fingers in Light's hair and whispers back, his voice deep and breathy. "Of course I did," he says. "I thought about you, alone in your room, desperate for me." 

Light nearly growls in response, and he thrusts harder, his entire body pinning L against the smooth, cold wall. His cock is buried between L's thighs and he pushes his mouth into L's shoulder and bites down _hard_ , so hard that L can't stifle a ragged moan, and Light comes, digging his teeth into L as trails of fire rush brightly through him. He goes still as come runs down L's thigh, and he hold L furiously close, his arms locked around L's chest. "You love what you do to me," he whispers, his voice nearly accusatory. "Now I want to see what I do to you." 

He drops to his knees and takes L's cock in his mouth, running his tongue in looping patterns down its shaft. L inhales sharply, his body going slack, but Light holds L's hips against the wall and keeps him steady as his head bobs up and down. He stares down at Light, his lips swollen and red, and L's body sings. He runs his hand through Light's hair and then Light hollows his cheeks and L comes, his cock pulsing, and he lets out a sweet, strangled moan and buries his cock into Light's hot and gasping mouth. He sinks, slowly, to his knees, and they embrace each other, falling into each other's arms. 

There's a moment of silence passed between them, soft and languid and triumphant, and they stand up together, leaning against the wall. Their pants are buttoned and shirts are pulled into place, but their bodies don't stop brushing against each other, and when they leave, their hands are entwined and their heads are held high.


	4. Bad at Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> L is Light's London boy with an attitude. 
> 
> Rooftop sex!

Light loves newness. He loves the excitement of something he's never done before. So does L, and they spend weeks poring over new works and documents and cases opened, letting their mutual love of new information fuel their partnership. They don't tell anyone when their partnership progresses from intellectual into sexual, but Light loves looking at L and thinking that they look so good together, that L's attitude shines through and makes him look like the best kind of decadence. 

L's bad at love, he's said, and he's never gone into a lot of detail about it but Light knows to trust him on this. Light knows that L's jealousy is possessive - and so is his, so he doesn't mind. He loves it when L's hands tighten in his hair late at night, after some girl at a bar has slipped him a number and looked at him with lustful eyes, and L loves it when Light grabs his thigh over brunch if a barista makes his drink a little too fondly, or with a little too much of a lingering gaze. " 

You're so cute," L will whisper, with his hand tucked into Light's back pocket, when they know that no eyes will see Light's stiffening cock and the flush running up his neck. "You're so cute when you're mine." 

"I'm always yours," Light will reply, and run his lips down L's neck, listening for the familiar whimper that always comes when he hits the right spot, just at the base of his throat. "And you're always mine." 

They hurtle down together, deeply in some kind of love, spiraling into a jealous embrace, where all they want is to know that the noose that they've placed around their own necks is just as tight around the other's. 

"Light," L asks, after four in the morning, when there's a deep humming beneath his breast, "you'll never leave me, will you?" 

"I wouldn't dream of it, baby," Light says, the pre-dawn adrenaline coursing through his veins. They feel like gods together, they feel like they're on top of the world, like Olympus has been taken as their own. "We're meant to be." 

There's an undercurrent of fear when he says that, knowing that one day the newness might fade and that L might walk away on his own. But he wants to be the one to fix him, to save him, and he believes that he can be. He believes that he can take L in his arms and make him belong to Light, the two of them hurtling above the rest of the world like the shooting stars that they are. 

It's a warm Tokyo night, and the cyan glow of the city throws a ghostly shadow on L's face. Together, atop a skyscraper, they can see the pinpricks of tiny cars moving around on the streets below. 

They don't go long without touching each other, when possible, and L's hand has been in Light's back pocket since they stole their way up to the roof. They've been drinking, but it's mostly the electric buzz of each other which makes them heady when they lean in to kiss. L sucks Light's lower lip into his mouth and bites it nearly hard enough to draw blood, making Light hiss. He presses his lips into L's (hard enough to bruise, he hopes), and runs his hands over L's throat, gently squeezing at his neck. A jolt of arousal sears through Light and he moans, pressing messy, biting kisses into L's neck as L's nimble fingers run beneath the hem of his shirt. L begins to delicately unbutton Light's fly, pushing the odd fingertip into his flesh, hard enough to slightly ache. 

L guides Light's hand to his own cock, and pushes Light to his knees. L's cock is out, just shy of fully erect, and Light takes it in his mouth. He runs his slick, liar's tongue smoothly around the head before engulfing it almost completely, pushing it as far down his throat as he can. His own palm is rubbing his weeping cock through his underwear, harder and harder, as L cups his head in his hands and fucks his mouth. 

Light's breath catches in his throat, and when L pulls him up and bends him over the rail of the roof, the view of the city below rushes in and he can hardly stop himself from crying out. "Don't worry," L murmurs, his voice soft and warm in his ear. "I won't let you fall." Then his slender fingers are slick with spit and rubbing at Light's entrance, and Light just takes in the elation of being so high up, watching the minuscule movements of the people beneath him as his love, the Patroclus to his Achilles, pulls out his fingers and plunges into him. 

_This is what being a god is_ , Light thinks, as the city lights dance beneath him. 

L is precise when he fucks Light. He draws his hips back and pushes forward with smooth, slick motions, and holds Light's hips firmly, to be sure that Light won't slip forward and tumble off of the building. Light's clutching the bars of the railing so tightly that the small peaks of his knuckles are turning white. Far, far away, the spinning lights of a police car move slowly by, casting lights onto the smooth face of the building. 

"Oh fuck, L," he pants, letting waves of ecstasy roll through him. "Don't let me go." 

The knowledge that L _could_ let him go is painfully apparent - the knowledge that one mistimed thrust could knock him over and send him plummeting to his death is terrifying, and he clasps the railing tighter. But Light trusts him, and L's grip never falters. 

Soon L's shout echoes over the rooftops when he comes in Light. The searing, pulsing heat of L's come brings Light maddeningly close to completion, but when L swiftly pulls him up and spins him, wrapping his own lips around Light's cock, Light feels fire pool low in his abdomen and he comes with a seething, tense moan. Come streaks L's face and swollen lips. 

The skyline whirls around them as Light throws L down onto the roof of the skyscraper, messily licking his own come off of L's face. Light is crouched over L, now, pinning him to the ground, and reveling in L's squirms. They're both spent, Light knows, so he lets go of L's wrists and simply lies on top of him, the soft and slender warmth of L's body wrapping around him. "I like it here," Light whispers, blood still roaring in his ears. 

"Me too," L remarks. "The view is astonishing." 

"It suits us," Light says. "We deserve splendor." 

"That's why we have each other, Light," L says, stroking Light's face with one long, delicate finger. "That's why I have you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> they're in a fucked up kinda love but it's love


	5. Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A house party.

The music at this party is absolutely _pounding_ , and Light wonders if the police who come when they _inevitably_ get called will know him, and pass the news along to his father. The music is louder than strictly necessary (by a long shot, really), there's a few boys and girls making out in the dimly-lit corners of this questionably-decorated living room, and L is fucking _drunk_. He's been drinking from a seemingly endless supply of canned pink hard lemonade. But Light won't lie - he's not precisely sober, either, and there's something awfully endearing (and extremely hot) about L drunkenly running his hands over Light's chest and grabbing his ass with sloppy, reckless abandon. 

Light was invited to some miscellaneous house party by a girl he doesn't quite know, and L was somewhat included in that invitation ("bring friends!"), so light made a strident executive decision that they would socialize as the semi-couple that they kind of seem to be right now and go together. 

When they first arrive, L gets quiet and shifty, and clings a little bit as Light moves through the house, greeting those he knows and introducing himself to those he doesn't. Gradually, after a warm reception from the host, and a pleasant invitation to help himself to refreshments, L begins to loosen up. He's still a little grating and doesn't quite see the importance of the social cues Light was _born_ knowing, but he's smiling more, and even manages to make a peculiar chuckle at a partygoer's joke. Light is content, and quite proud. Later on, as night becomes morning, the music is roaring in his ears and Light is sprawled on a couch next to L, who's thrown his legs over the arm and back of the sofa and has his head comfortably nuzzled into Light's lap. 

The two have tried to refrain from being _overly_ touchy - they shoot for plausible deniability whenever possible - but it feels glorious to feel L's hot breath gently nudge Light's stomach where his shirt is ever-so-slightly pushed up. The buzzing of people talking is an omnipresent hum in his ears, and he can occasionally pick out a distinct word or two amidst the din.

L mumbles something into Light's leg, and Light leans down and asks him to repeat himself. L's breathing is faster, now, and his entire chest moves with each inhale.

Light absolutely isn't anticipating L to pull him into a linen closet off the main hallway and lock the door. 

There doesn't appear to be a light in the closet, and it takes a while for Light's eyes to adjust to the darkness. L is floorbound, positioned in his familiar crouch. 

"Are you okay, L?" Light's voice is laden with concern. L is silent, so Light decides to sit cross-legged with him on the floor. Slowly, he reaches out a hand, and L clings to it. 

"What's wrong?"

"Too many people," L says, slurring slightly. "Gotta be alone."

Light would withdraw his hand, but L is gripping it so tightly that he's not sure he safely could. "Should I leave?"

"No." L takes a deep breath. "Too many people who aren't you."

"Ah," Light says. "Okay." 

So together they sit, alone, surrounded by piles of neatly folded sheets. The din of the party goes on around them. 

"Light," L says, after a long silence, "why have you always been so good at this?"

"What do you mean?"

"At people," L elaborates. He's slurring less, but Light can see the alcohol sheen on his eyes and the ruddiness of his cheeks. "You're so _good_ at it."

Light pauses and considers. "It's kind of natural, sometimes," he says. "You have to be able to pick up on minutiae. It's not always enjoyable, but it's useful." 

"Mhmm." 

"Why don't you think that you're good at it?"

"I'm not good at it. To delude myself into thinking otherwise would be pointless. I can read them, yes, but I have no interest or ability to comfortably socialize." 

"If you have no interest, why would the lack of ability bother you?" It's a stupid question, Light knows. Socialization is a hell of a skill, when you use it properly. 

L groans. "Shut up, Light." They've been in there for a while, and the sweet (and slightly alcoholic) smell of L's breath has permeated the air around them. His grip has softened considerably on Light's hand, but he's still holding it, and he suddenly pulls Light over from across the closet so that Light flops onto his body. Despite his drunken state, L is still surprisingly strong. "Lie with me," he whispers, wrapping his lean arms around Light. 

Light squirms around to the best of his ability, hoping to make himself more comfortable. "I don't have much of a choice, really," he remarks, but he'd gladly lie with him, no matter what else the choice would be. He loves feeling the faint thrumming of L's heart with his head on his chest, and he would let that sound drown out the rest of the world, if it could. 

L is wrapped around him, lanky arms and legs encompassing Light like lichen on a rock. His breathing has soothed, and his heartbeats are softer and slower. Gently, Light lifts his hand to L's face, and softly strokes his cheek. 

"You know, they like you out there," Light says, quietly. He presses a soft kiss to L's face and keeps stroking his cheek. 

"Mmph?" L is still completely hunched over Light's body, seemingly in a state where he'd prefer to be as non-verbal as possible. 

"You're not that bad, L, once you stop being so distant."

"Hmmph," L responds. "But I like being distant."

Light's quick wit fails him, dulled by alcohol and the comfort of a lover's body encompassing him. "I don't like it when you're distant," he says, and it's a little more honest than he'd like to be. "I like it when you're present."

L is quiet. "Yeah, I guess," he says, finally. "But I don't think you'd like it if it really happened." 

Light's unsure of how to respond. Finally, he asks, "What do you mean?"

"I don't know," L says, and there's a thrumming vulnerability in each word. "Most people end up wishing they'd never met me." 

Light squirms again, angling himself so he can look L in the eyes. His eyes are huge and misty, slightly foggy and unfocused. "L," he says, "trust me. i'm dying to meet you." L doesn't respond, but Light presses his face closer, touching his forehead to his own. 

He runs his hand nimbly over L's stomach, fingers playing at the waistband of his jeans. "Let me slip under your armor," he says, his voice huskier, and L looks at him with the most wonderful expression on his face, as if his whole being is saying _yes_ , and presses his lips to Light's. His lips are soft and still taste like pink lemonade, and the cacophony of the party outside masks the moans that Light's a little too drunk to keep in. 

L lifts Light up and repositions him, so that Light is straddling L. In the darkness of the broom closet, the space between them is full of errant limbs that are quickly reshuffled. Light leans down and kisses L again, gently rolling his tongue against L's, and revelling in the feeling of L's wiry, muscular back flexing underneath his hands. Light begins to sloppily grind his hips against L's, fully dressed, letting L wind his fingers through his hair and gently bite at the soft skin of his neck. 

They're each still a little too drunk to get much further than this, this kind of youthful necking in a closet, but it's all that they need right now. They just need their hands on each other's asses, and the occasional happy giggle when one of them brushes a ticklish spot. L knows he could spend hours here, locked in a closet with Light, hands on his hips and a grin plastered on his face. But soon, the cacophony of the party fades, and one of them finally notices the sunlight pouring through the cracks of the door.

They have to leave their linen cocoon and return, giggling, into the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry y'all! the good news is i have officially graduated from cegep. the bad news is that ive been incapable of doing anything except cegep stuff for the past month and a bit.  
> new chapters will be coming soon!

**Author's Note:**

> as I mentioned in the tags, each chapter is based on a song from the Halsey album Hopeless Fountain Kingdom. some of the chapters are more loosely based than others, however, so while they're titled accordingly, some are very very loosely related and some are far closer. they're ordered chronologically here, rather than by their track listing. 
> 
> quote in the summary is a quote from Pablo Neruda.


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